What, You Say I Don't Speak English?

I found out today that I evidently do not know English.  I was looking up something today because of my need to get something right.  What I found was something that even though I could pronounce the words I had no idea what the hell this goof ball was talking about.  Now I'm not about to try and put any of those darn words on here because I already feel dumber than a box of rocks and to have someone come along and reiterate that fact in detail with definitions to each and every word while laughingly pointing a finger at me going dumb ass is not something I need at this moment.  Yes I know that was a damn run on sentence.  Let's just suffice it to say that not only did I not know what a couple of the words meant but the ones that I thought I knew what they meant were used in such a way in this posted tidbit of knowledge that I was questioning everything I had ever learned in English class.  I have to assume now that what I have been reading and writing all these years is far from being English.  It is obviously not only not from this country but it's not even of this world.  So now we have established that not only am I crazy but I'm a damn crazy alien from some unknown planet.  It's the only explanation for what I read today.
The creepy part is that from what I have observed in my time on this planet I'm not the only one who speaks Hodomadetridian.  Yes that's the name I have given this unknown language that more people speak than accepted English.  The Planet is of course Hodomadetri.  I do not denounce my US Citizenship because I was born in this country and I have the damn birth certificate to prove it.  Now whether or not I still hold citizenship on my home planet I do not know since no one had told me anything about it.  I have a feeling there are a lot of us out here so please if anyone is familiar with our planet get in touch with me and fill me in.  I'm searching for my roots.  Oh wait I found them, their the grey hairs that sticks up when I wait too long in between touch ups.  So at least fill me in on our history and where the damn planet is.  I may need to start building a space ship in my back yard and high tail it out of here at a moments notice.  Of course a phone number would be acceptable as well in order for me to phone home.  Who knows I may even be the long lost relative of some rich aunt or uncle, or whatever the equivalent of that might be, on this planet.