Saturday I was babysitting my eight-year-old granddaughter so my daughter and her feller could go throw axes for her birthday. Yeah, for those of you who didn’t know it, that’s a thing now.
Savannah and I were having a wonderful afternoon together. We went to eat then decided to go for a short drive with the top down on the car. We simply took a right turn instead of a left turn and away we went down these beautiful two-lane backroads. We weren’t going fast, just enjoying the drive and talking. It was great, until…
Right in front of us was a car stopped cross ways of the road diagonally. Over on the right shoulder of the road were two men that appeared to be pulling something from a ditch. Stopping, I think great, this is a bad accident and I have to keep my granddaughter from seeing something horrible. I held up my left hand and told her to keep looking at it and no matter what don’t look at anything else. Of course, as with all children, she asked why. I told her to simply do as I said. Turns out I should have told her to put her hands over her little ears.
My first indication this wasn’t what I originally thought it was, was when a white truck had to pull over onto the shoulder of the road and part way into a ditch and went around the black Mitsubishi and went by me with this look of pure outrage. You see, it wasn’t a wreck but a dumb asshole who must have backed out of his driveway where two men were putting in a brick mailbox and he was giving them hell before going on his merry way.
Yes, by this time I had noticed the moron in the little black Mitsubishi, and he waves at me to do the same thing as that four-wheel drive truck had just done. Me, in a small sports car, was supposed to put my life, my granddaughter’s life, and my car in this idiot’s hands to accommodate him.
My response was to point at him and then with my left hand pointed back over my shoulder with my thumb for him to move his ass out of the middle of the road. He did.
He pulled up on me so fast and in such a way to block me and proceeded to call me a dumbass and told me I could have gone around him. Most of you will understand the term body space. Well, in this case he had violated mine with his car about as close as you could get.
I understand that maybe some women would have been intimidated by some large baboon three times their size, but I’m not one of them. Did I feel that my life and more importantly my granddaughter’s life might be in danger? Yes, and I reacted accordingly. I started out by calling him an asshole and asked if he saw my granddaughter in the backseat and was he really stupid enough to think that I was going to take a chance on her safety on his gesture then he was totally mistaken.
Then he really started cursing me and that’s when I sort of lost it. I have had to apologize to my granddaughter numerous times for the things she heard come out of my mouth, but I have to say the asshole didn’t get the last word in. If I could have come out of my car without climbing up and over the side of the car, this guy was so close I’m still surprised he didn’t scratch my car, I would have. You might be three times my size, and you might take me down, but I guarantee you that you will feel the hurt.
The thing is, this guy was a bully. He thought as a woman I would drop my head and go I’m sorry. Fuck you. I’ve never run from a fight and even at my age now I’m not about to start doing so. So, to that asshole in Shelby Forest in the black Mitsubishi, the next time you think you’re some big intimidating man, think again. Also, you might want to rethink picking on women in general because if I run into you in public, I will embarrass you and I won’t have to resort to the language I used Saturday. Oh, this might seem a little childish here and honestly it is, but I have to do this. If I were you, I would go take an anatomy class. Your brain, what little you might ever had, may have sunk to your ass but mine, like most peoples, is still located in my cranium.
She was definitely a few pieces shy of a complete Erector Set.
"Nice equipment." said Alison.
"Don't I know it."
Would someone please make him stop excreting humanly body fluids?