Those of you who follow my website, I know there are quite a few even if you are the most silent bunch ever, you have read what I’ve posted about my husband in the past. The one that seems to be the favorite is ‘That Man Is Going To Give Me A Heart Attack’.
There are so many stories I could pass on but the fallout could be problematic. No nothing illegal, at least none I know of away, but still. I still giggle over the water cooler calamity. My husband’s ability to fix almost anything came heavily into play on that one. The incident with the large tree branch still gives me the shivers. The vision of his head being smashed between the end of that branch he was removing from a tree swinging back and nearly squashing his head like a melon against the trunk of that tree is vivid in my mind to this day. You would be surprised at how quickly that man can move when he has to.
Now if you think for one minute he is only a danger to himself, think again. I’ve suffered my share of mishaps at his hands. At one point I began to wonder if he had a secret insurance policy he had taken out on me and was trying to collect it. Now when he is working on something I give the man a very wide berth. Don’t get me wrong, the man is not clumsy, it’s just that he pushes the envelope with some things and that can bring into account a learning curve. I can say I’ve never seen him make the same mistake twice. I however don’t seem to be that smart so it took me a little longer to learn not to be standing too close when he is doing something for the first time. I think the final one for me was us cutting down a Christmas tree the old fashion way, you know a two handed saw with someone on each end, and I ended up on the ground getting very personal with a fairly large cedar tree. Yep I think that was the last time.
I think the funniest one however involved a family excursion many years ago up by Reelfoot Lake. Buddy zigged when he should have zagged and we ended up on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere stuck in a mud hole. Among our merry little band of explorers that day beside Buddy and me were our three daughter ranging in age from about six to ten along with both our mothers, one in her late sixties and the other in her late seventies at the time. Oh yes it was a fun day for all.
Buddy and I had managed to get everyone out so we could try to get the van out of the mud hole when Buddy’s mother decides she is going to help push the damn thing and ropes my mother into adding her weight to the endeavor. Buddy and I both tried to talk them out of this but to no avail. We were both sure that one or both of them would end up having a heart attack out there in the middle of nowhere and we would somehow end up in jail for deliberately killing the old gals. Back then cell phones weren’t that common and even if we had one there wouldn’t have been any reception where we were. Yes people I know I’m old.
Now here is the surprising part. Those old ladies still had some push in those bones because they did help push that thing out of that mud hole, but damn. Now my mom and Buddy both had enough sense to take care where they took their stance when they went to push but Buddy’s mother didn’t. Yes I was the one behind the wheel. I stepped on the gas and just before those lovely wheels grabbed enough solid ground to back us out of there they gave a good hard spin and the next thing I know I’m watching mud sling up out from under the vehicle and make its way up the front of Buddy’s mother from her knees all the way up to the top of her head before the van jerked back dropping that old lady face first right square in the middle of the wettest, soggiest, thickest spot in the middle of that mud hole. I damn near gave myself a heart attack trying not to laugh because me and this old lady didn’t get along back then. The thought that went through my head way ‘yes there is a God in Heaven and he is great’ but I kept that to myself easily enough but that laugh was a bit harder to contain. If anyone had been sitting in that van with me I would have probably scared the crap out of them with all the snorts, gasp, and other crazy noises coming out of my mouth and nostrils as I tried to control myself.
Does Buddy still get into things? Yes but he is older and puts even more thought into things before he takes it on these day but I still give him a wide berth and pray a lot. However my life still isn’t dull and he still makes my heart stop sometimes when he walks into a room and not from a coronary attack of some type, so I’m good.
from left to right Buddy's mom, Gina, Susie, Jennifer ( a friend of our girls), my mom, and the back Buddy and Ginny.
She was definitely a few pieces shy of a complete Erector Set.
"Nice equipment." said Alison.
"Don't I know it."
Would someone please make him stop excreting humanly body fluids?