I was sure I had shared this at some point with everyone. The story of the chocolate donut. Now we aren’t talking about any chocolate donut but MY CHOCOLATE DONUT.
Yes that had to be capitalized. You see I have only a few real weaknesses. I still love a good Moon Pie on occasion, a great cup of coffee in the morning, I’m a sucker for well-made bruschetta, and a chocolate donut on very rare occasions. That last one is something I truly don’t indulge in often at all. Once or twice a year if that. So I can only say at this point I find that my actions in the following tale of someone else’s stupidity totally justified if it is honestly what happened.
I was standing in line at a local donut shop waiting my turn patiently and behaving myself as the person who was waiting on customers took care of the gentleman in front of me, yes he was young and attractive, knowing that she would soon turn to me. I watched as she took his two plain sugar glazed donuts, yes I said two and not two dozen, and placed them ever so carefully in a nice little box and handed it oh so gently into the man’s waiting hand.
Finally she turned to me. I start out my order with a chocolate covered éclair, yes that is my true weakness, four chocolate covered donuts, and eight assorted types of the little sugar bombs that none of us need to be eating and paid for them. To my absolute horror this crazy b*^&h proceeds to pull out a large paper bag carelessly jerks up the éclair and drops it like a rock into this huge white paper sack. Oh no this bitch didn’t just do that. Now up till now all that is giving away my horror at this obvious disrespect for me and the éclair and donuts was the look of stunned shock on my face and my mouth hanging open to my knees. At this point my ire came boiling over and I let lose the wrath of indignation. Smoke came billowing out my ears, the flames of hell spouted forth from my nostrils, and the blazing rays of death shot from my eyes.
“NOOO, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”
The place went totally silent, every pair of eyes turned in my direction. A couple of people actually got up and moved toward the door.
“YOU TAKE THAT LUMP YOU JUST DROPPED INTO THAT BAG AND THROW IT INTO THE GARBAGE OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT AND YOU GET A LARGE BOX OUT AND YOU PUT EVERY ONE OF THE DONUTS AND ECLAIRE FACE UP IN THAT BOX AND YOU DO IT GENTLY AND CAREFULLY.”
A couple more people stood up and moved toward the door.
This now cowed creature did as she was told and handed me the box hesitantly never once opening her mouth. I took my box and left the store.
Now the actual details of how that went down I’m relating as my daughter, who was with me, relayed it to her dad after we got home. I wasn’t aware that I had done anything out of the way or even raised my voice and informed Gina of this.
“Mom the windows shook in that place when you let loose on that woman.” She wasn’t smiling but was wearing a look of real concern.
Now I think she is exaggerating the whole thing because I simply do not believe that my inner demon managed to make it out that morning but I have to say that on occasion she does raise her little head when she feels she has something to say but come on really. I shook the windows?
Gina to this day stands by her account of that incident and refuses to retract it. That story now gets told every time she is with me and someone says something about what a nice person I am and that happens quite often.
If Gina is with me when that happens she always responds, “So long as you don’t mess with her chocolate covered donuts.”
She was definitely a few pieces shy of a complete Erector Set.
"Nice equipment." said Alison.
"Don't I know it."
Would someone please make him stop excreting humanly body fluids?