I Got A New Phone And I'm Scared

Our first entry into horror stories.  It's called, can I get a drum roll please, It's called "The Curse of the New Phone", Another drum roll please.
I will put off getting a new phone just because of that reason.  It is a curse.  You get the damn thing then you spend the entire time you have it trying to set the mf up.  Yes I said MF.  Have a problem with it, so what.  Two hours I have been trying to get to where I can simply make a phone call just so I could call the service provider to finish what I couldn't without someone talking me through it.  Now my old phone is setting in the floor next to the new one at my feet transferring data from one to the other.  I'm afraid that when this is over I'm going to have little Galaxy 9's running around everywhere terrorizing the neighborhood.  Wait maybe it would be 4 1/2's.  Oh well who knows.  Anyway if you hear of this invasion, run, get as far away as you can before they get you.  I'm sure it won't be pretty.  It would be like that scene in The Mummy with Brendon Fraser.  You know the one where the guy is suddenly covered with all those nasty over size Egyptian beetles.  They will take over your body and turn you into a power port and suck you dry.  Run I say, RUN...  Oh no... Their here.  Someone help me... Some one helll...