We've all had to deal with one. That one friend who tries to do everything he or she can do to irritate and annoy you just for the fun of it. They love to rock your boat at every turn. Their main goal is to try and tip that boat over just to see you get soaked to the bone and stand there laughing.
No matter what, if you say black they say white. If you want to go left they will insist on turning right. They can't help it. No matter how right you are they will argue a point to the extent of sending you into a fit of hysterics that defies reason and you are driven to damn near murder and in some cases you make it there and are left with a bloody nasty mess that was your friend and now you have to clean it up and cover up the crime.
If they have been a friend long enough you have sat around thinking of all the nasty ways you could end the constant irrational behavior of such a person. You have thought of choking the last breath of life from them or maybe how many ways you could skin them alive inch by inch over time to drag out their misery with you laughing like a maniac as you go about your grisly task. You want to end their existence so you can know peace and tranquility. You want to breath that sign of relief as you return to a calm and blissful state of mind. Yes I bet each of you have gone through what I'm talking about.
Now I know you are asking yourself why don't you kick this person to the curb and be done with the whole thing, like you haven't have one yourself and know why you don't, instead of continuing to subject yourself to this sadomasochistic relationship.
Well I'm going to say what we never want to admit. They keep us on our toes. These are the friends who keeps our minds sharp and quick on the intake. You also know that this is a friend that if you are in trouble they will be the first to show up at your door offering a hand should you need them. Without question they will be there with a helping hand and kind heart without expecting anything in return. They may be a pain in your ass most of the time but when needed they know what a friend is and they do their job.
So here's to the couple of friends I have like that and even though on most days I may want to kill you just know that I do appreciate you and when not pissed off as hell at you I am glad you're there. If you read this you'll know who you are but if you say anything about it I'll deny it to my dying breath and you'll probably be the one who puts me in an early grave from a popped vein to my brain.
She was definitely a few pieces shy of a complete Erector Set.
"Nice equipment." said Alison.
"Don't I know it."
Would someone please make him stop excreting humanly body fluids?