Chiggers, Spiders, And Mosquitoes Oh My

Everyone has been bitten by all three of the nasty little pest.  They get you in all kinds of places that you can't scratch in public.  When they get a less delicate place you end up scratching those and you come out looking like some deranged orangutang with serious mental issues.
Not only do you contort you body in all sorts of weird and obscene positions to reach these crazy places you feel won't offend the public but you end up making goofy faces from the torment of trying to reach the exact spot you need to address.  Also strange and weird expressions pop out on your face from the relief you get when you finally hit the right spot.  Have you ever thought how much that expression must look like you're in the middle of the best orgasm you've ever experienced.
If you go with creams and ointments to try and stop the torture you either have some chalky flaky mask that will scare small children or looking like a greased pig.  God forbid you should have to use this stuff on your face.
If the giant red welts are where they can be seen then again when out in public people want to move away from you for fear that you have some terrible disease that may be contagious.  
It is also amazing that you are attacked at the worse possible times as a rule.  Can you imagine having a job interview or maybe you're meeting an important client or, God please don't let this happen to anyone, meeting your soon to be in-laws.
I think someone should find a way to deal with these little terrorist and put a stop to the torment they visit on us all.  Please can't they find a way to stop our humiliating discomfort.
I presently am suffering from at least one if not all three and let me tell you I'm not a happy camper.  My husband says it will be better in two or three days.  Well this is day two at least and I'm not feeling the promised relief as of yet.  Oh and yes there are a couple on me that I can't scratch in public and one that is a real iffy on that score.  It is on the inside of my thigh about half way up.  The idea of reaching between my legs to scratch an itch brings to mind all kinds of ways this might be misinterpreted.  I am also not one of those stick people who has a ten inch gap between my thighs so when I walk yes my thighs rub together which only aggravates the problem.  I wonder if a band-aid over the damn thing would work.  Probably not.  it turns out that I'm allergic to the adhesive in most of those damn things and I end up with a nasty rash that comes out looking like I have a big red band-aid where the original one was.  Crap.