Let’s get something straight, when it comes to the whole self-publishing thing I’m a babe, not in the woods but lost in an ocean alone without a bottle, diaper change, or a little sun bonnet. Another words, I’m one little cooked goose trying to figure out how to stay alive. There are so many ins and outs regarding the different, I’m learning to call them distributors and not publishers, that an indie author can get swallowed up so quick it will make you turn into a cartoon character with your head spinning in 360 degree circles in rapid rotation while smoke billows from your ears, eyes bulging out of your head, and a very loud warning siren blasting out the notification that imminent destruction is approaching.
I get that all companies are competing with one another and it’s all about making the most money in regards to their commodities, yes we are the commodities of these companies, that they do have turf wars. I found this out yesterday. Why it never occurred to me before I do not know and the only excuse I can offer is that my head was up my ass.
We have a new bookstore that has opened up in our fair city here and they seemed to be interested in putting my books inside. OK, I’m not about to complain about that but was surprised at why they couldn’t. It turns out they go through a different distributor than the one who handles my books and because of this they can only order my books with a no return policy. Their distributor can order my books but once they do they are stuck with them. Now if this bookstore were to order them from the distributor that I publish through this wouldn’t be a problem.
Now there is a way around this this issue if I want to take it. I can switch my publisher/distributor if I want and I must admit it did cross my mind. I am one of these people who doesn’t ‘go gently into that good night.’ I am one of those who do rage. Alright I didn’t rip someone’s head off their shoulders causing blood to spurt from the opening left there but you get what I mean. I went searching for information. I choose to stay with the distributor/publisher I’m already with and after a little, live, conversation with someone at mine they are now going to see if they can get the business of this new store. Hehe. Probably won’t happen but it’s kind of cool to think that I may put a little monkey wrench into the works even if it only adds to the turf war. One of the reason I like the company I’m already with, besides the fact that it’s second on the list of top ten for indie authors, is that I can get a phone call from them and it’s when I want it and not when it’s convenient for them. Try contacting most of the others and you’re doing good to get an email 24 hours later if that quick. Remember I hate to wait.
So after several hours of contacting a lot of different people including the distributor for the store I ended up with a headache, upset stomach, and I think my blood pressure went up a 100 points. Oh I did get a live body at the other distributor and I have to say he was very sweet but outside of that he really wasn’t much more than a live body. You know the type, Duh. He seemed to be about as knowledgeable regarding what he was doing as a young man straight off the street and this was his first day on the job. God bless him he did try. Of course you could tell I made him a nervous which wasn’t surprising when it appeared that I was far more knowledgeable than he was.
It’s update your phone, update your computer, hell it’s update your ass through a butt lift these days. I’m not talking buying new but having to allow some computer somewhere in some far away land, except for your butt; at least I hope you don’t outsource that, to go into your already bought and paid for possessions and rearrange their innards. In the meantime you are locked out of your bought and paid for possession while whoever or whatever in some faraway place makes happy with it. It’s bad enough if it’s your computer but when it’s your phone you are cut completely off from the rest of the world unless you make actual physical contact with others of the human race. If you are one of those people who have locked yourself inside and never go out and your only contact with the outside world is through some electronic device then you are totally screwed.
Once they finish upgrading your equipment the fun part begins. You now have to sort through all the changes to see what you do and do not recognize and then proceed to try and figure out which ones you will now have to learn all the new bumps and curves they have added to whatever object they just played around with. You pray you don’t end up throwing the damn thing as for as you possibly can and taking great pleasure in watching it shatter into a million pieces. Then it hits you. You now have to go out and buy a replacement for the plastic and tiny welded pieces of metal you just destroyed. It takes a little longer for the fact that you just lost all your saved information, files, pictures, videos, and whatever other parts of your life were stored on that POS. This isn’t the end of the nightmare either.
Here’s where if you are most people, unlike the anchors on CBS This Morning talking about the new IPhone and made it sound like it would be no big deal for people to pay a $1000.00 for the darn thing, you go into price shock. Unlike the anchors for that news cast who make a high six for seven figure salary for me and most of my family that represents a fairly large outgoing amount of cash and it may well mean something else has to be cut from your budget. I guess I don’t need that blood pressure medicine so that could go in order for me to be able to hold in my hand what to me sounds like a whole lot of crap that’s not needed while they continue to jack the price up. Oh you can get a cheaper version but they never mentioned the price on that one I don’t believe but I doubt if it comes cheap either.
Oh well we evidently all have to go through it or countless catastrophic system failures will occur resulting in total chaos in your life and maybe even the world. The governments of the world will lose contact with all the satellites rotating around our planet, the satellites will turn outward toward some super mega starship that will pick of the signal alerting them to our existence and they will take a turn at some very far away planet heading here at warp 999 and blow us out of existence. All because you had to ignore the notice to update.
One more thing, I’m an idiot but I will not elaborate on that one. LMAO.
Well nothing that isn’t directly addressed to him anyway. Who is it that I shudder at the thought of reading my work…my hubby. Now this might seem like a strange thing to say but it is a fact. First we do not have the same taste in reading. Where I love to crawl into a great horror story or a science fiction epic he does not. I enjoy the make believe world that a good writer can take me to, he does not. Where I have a warped and sometimes sick sense of humor, believe me, he does not. Same applies to the movies I enjoy. I’m assuming at this point I don’t have to say they are not the type my husband finds entertaining.
Don’t get me wrong, he does have a sense of humor and can be quite funny at times. The problem is, his is more along the normal, sane for the most part, what I call main line humor. We all know by now that I’m crazy as bat crap and take great pride in it.
As for the type of movies he does like, well if I like the weird, crazy, scary stuff he pretty much leans toward the very opposite. You want to talk books? Not with him. The types of things he reads requires me to get a beginners manual, a tutorial off the internet, and then he has to walk me through most of it in very tiny baby steps. Another words while I’m sitting here reading the latest intergalactic super novel he is probably going to be reading Steven Hawking. I think I’ve mentioned I’m married to a Sheldon. He’s just not into all, OK I have no other way of putting it here but don’t run out and buy a rope to hang him please, that childish crap.
No, I can assure you he isn’t an ass, ninety five present of the time anyway, and can be a lot of fun to be around. He also has those moments, as we’ve discussed before, when I’m left standing staring at him wondering how anyone so smart can do something so dumb. God love the man because he is precious.
Why am I writing about this today? Several reason really. First I know he has been asked what he thinks of my work and sometimes that bothers me even though he handles it very well. Also he is quick to say with pride that his wife is a writer. I’ve heard him. I’ve seen him puff out his chest when he does it. It’s cute. But as far as him actually reading my work, I’m really OK with him not. For one thing it would probably give him nightmares and although I strive for that with my readers I’m not sleeping with you guys.
The other thing that has brought this on is that I’m a little ticked at him right now. You see my sweet hubby sometimes forgets to ask for help with some things. He tries to be supper considerate of me but my Lord man I know how and can hold a wrench. I even know what one is. I’m actually quite good with tools, both hand tools and power tools. He’s the one who taught me. I also enjoy spending time with him in those situation, well except when he’s working on a car sometimes because that can get a little nasty. His language that is.
Buddy general enjoys me being around when he’s working or always seems to but as I’ve gotten older he has gotten more protective and coddling toward me. I have to admit it can be more than a little endearing but come on man. When it’s something simple that requires very little effort on my part that can save you hours of time and frustration use that damn brain of yours. I know that there are some things that it’s best to keep me away from but as long as you keep the knives out of my reach we should be OK. Oh and no trees please.
While trying to finish her latest book a relatively new and upcoming writer was found in a bloody pool in her driveway. The coroner stated that it appeared that her brain felt it couldn’t handle the long working hours and decided to take action for what it felt was cruel and inhuman conditions.
The coroner stated that it appears as if the brain hid an ax away and when the writer was otherwise occupied busted out the back of her head and made its escape. Police are conducting a citywide search for the rampaging brain and when caught will be booked on first degree murder charges. If you should see it police warn you that you should not try to apprehend it yourself but to call 911 immediately because it is considered armed and dangerous.
The prosecutor made it clear that no mercy will be shown and she will seek the death penalty. How this will be carried out is yet to be determined.
Please check in with your local news station for any new developments in this story.
Seriously I’ve thought about it. The problem there is that I would have to do something that would draw national attention as well as sympathetic support from a majority of the people. That’s a hard one right now. I have an idea that could be fairly promising but it would leave me venerable to getting maimed or killed in a stampede. Even the most noble of causes will have its naysayers. I don’t heal as quickly as I use to so getting myself crippled would only serve to make it harder to write anything especially if someone decided to trample on my two little delicate hands. Now that would suck. Besides protesting anything these days seems to make people mad no matter what it is.
Someone suggested I run down the freeway in my birthday suite but I see trouble written all over that one. Who in their right mind wants to see someone my age naked? I certainly don’t. Now if I were in my twenties maybe but even then I have a problem with that one. Last thing I need is for someone to run over my naked ass. Or clothed either for that matter.
I could try jumping out of a plane but even though I’m pretty old I’m not old enough to make it cute and besides I have a fear of falling and I pass out on roller-coasters and log rides so me jumping out of a plane could cause a problem when it came time to pull the cord to open the shoot. All the publicity in the world isn’t going to do me any good if I’m dead.
Someone even suggested I start a cult and although that can be applied to almost any type of movement it is a word associated with dark and evil things so that one is out. Besides I’m way too old and cute to make that believable.
“Hey you in the back, shut up, I am old and cute and you better damn well agree with that.”
Anyway here I sit and I can’t even think of a way to get arrested that just wouldn’t totally suck. Also my brother George would probably have something to say on that one since he is a retired police chief. Hey I’m more afraid of what he would have to say on the subject that I am of a hundred armed police standing over me. Alright so I still want his approval. Tell me who among you doesn’t want their big brother or big sister’s approval.
I’m just going to have to keep thinking on this one and if any of you have any suggestions that doesn’t involve blood, bruising, death, particularly to myself, then I’m all ears.
This one is free at Smashwords in eBook.
When Emma finds out her father’s mother has passed away she has to make a trip back to her childhood home in Missouri. Emma’s mother had taken her and left when she was twelve years old and swore that they would never set foot on the property again after Emma’s father had died in a tragic accident. That had been twenty years ago.
Now she was back to put her grandmother’s estate in order when she hadn’t even known that her paternal grandmother was still alive until she had received the notice of her recent death. She wouldn't have returned even now if it hadn't of been for a notebook left to her by her mother who died a only few weeks before her grandmother.
Emma had inherited the estate which turned out to be quite large but with it came a hundred and thirty year old curse and some unexpected and unwanted family members. Now Emma has to unravel years of secrets to find a way to break the curse so she doesn’t end up like everyone in the Rodgers’ family bloodline. Every one of the Rodgers have ended up dead, most before they even make it to adulthood and the one child from each generation that does only live into their thirties and that has always been a male child. Emma is the only female to make it to adulthood and has been on borrowed time most of her life and the payment has finally come due.
An excerpt from Blood Lines The Curse
When I went out and started clearing away the dirt and debris from the old headstone that had been setting against the old pump house I never knew what it would start. Two little girls became the inspiration for my first book.
The sun was starting to go down and the wind had picked up a little. You could see clouds coming out of the west and it looked as if it might rain a little later. Great she thought. It sounded like a scene from some old grade b horror flick. Someone dies, the poor unsuspecting heiress goes to spend the night in the house for the first time afterward and a nasty damn storm blows up. The next thing you know the spooks are climbing out of every nook and cranny in the place. The stupid heiress ends up getting her head hacked off by some crazy, non-dying, chauvinistic ass hole wearing a mask with a thing against women inheriting the family fortune.
Emma heard Charlotte calling her name, “Are you OK? You looked a million miles away and I had to call you three times.”
“Yes, I was just looking at the sky thinking it might rain tonight.”
“I caught the weather report earlier and yes we are supposed to get a nice little blow in here tonight.” Steve told her.
“What did you say, Sweetheart?”
“Oh, nothing Aunt Charlotte.”
Steve and Charlotte were sitting closer to the grill and talking between themselves so Emma turned her attention to the surrounding area. The irises continued all around the house and took up a good portion of the yard area and that was a lot because it was a damn big yard. The grounds around the house took up over five acres. If you counted the land around the barn and out building it was almost twice that much and there were irises and daylilies covering a very large portion of that as well. They weren’t willy-nilly either. They had all been laid out in neat little rows and in nice little patches and all had been well tended. Right now it was the irises in bloom but come June you would be met with all the daylilies. Scattered about the place were also roses and other flowers that bloomed at different times. During the entire growing seasons you would find something in bloom and color would meet your eyes everywhere you turned. Right now the irises swayed in the wind and the effect was almost hypnotic.
Emma thought back and could remember playing in this very yard. She had had a tree house in a big oak tree on the north side of the house. Emma got up to go check.
“Where are you going?” Steve asked
“I was going to check and see …?”
“It’s still there Emma. Your grandmother had it kept in good repair.” Charlotte knew what her niece was talking about.
Emma headed around to the side of the house to see the old tree house she had spent so much of her time in as a child. There it was. The tree stood about thirty feet from the house. The area around the tree had been beautifully landscaped. Where it had been mostly cedar chips around the base when she was little now there were flowers almost all the way around. There was an almost fairy tale quality to the tree house now. It had been painted a green color that made it blend into the foliage around it and the windows painted with a brown to match the bark on the tree trunk. Her dad had built it well but her grandmother had added the touches that a little girl would love. There now were flower boxes built into the rail around the balcony or porch or whatever you called the open space on a tree house? It looked like a little girls playhouse picked up and set in a tree.
Emma wasn’t sure how she felt about the changes. When her father had built it he had done it with love and care. He had insisted that if she was going to sleep in it then the door and little windows were going to have screens to protect her from pesky little critters. He had built it to last too but it had remained in a natural wood state and little frills were not his strong point. Now it looked like a little girl’s tree house. It also broke her heart to realize how much her grandmother had missed her and hoped that she would return.
She climbed up and sat on the porch with her legs hanging over the edge and she just couldn’t hold it back any longer. She cried. She cried as if the whole world had collapsed and fallen on her shoulders. Not the shoulders of a grown woman either but those of that little twelve year old girl who had left here all those long years ago. She cried for the little girl who had been ripped from the home where she had been born and lived for all of her childhood years. She cried for the much loved grandmother that she never saw again and she cried for the father that had so cruelly been taken from her at such a young age. She cried for the mother whom she had loved so dearly and would never be held in her arms again. She cried.
book trailer for Blood Lines The Curse
Amazon/paperback and ebook http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Lines-Curse/dp/1517571057/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1446574044&sr=8-2&keywords=cathy+pace+matthews
Barnes & Noble/paperback http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blood-lines-the-curse-mrs-cathy-pace-matthews/1122743603?ean=9781517571054
Barnes & Noble/ebooks http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blood-lines-the-curse-cathy-pace-matthews/1120651877?ean=2940046369250
She was definitely a few pieces shy of a complete Erector Set.
"Nice equipment." said Alison.
"Don't I know it."
Would someone please make him stop excreting humanly body fluids?